Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
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