Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
Randomize
