We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
Randomize
