And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
Randomize
