I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
Randomize
