Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
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