I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
Randomize
