i think i have two assholes
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
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