I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
Randomize
