is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
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