lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
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