My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
Randomize
