I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
Randomize
