I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
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