I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
Randomize
