you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
Randomize
