i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
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