Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
Randomize
