I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
Randomize
