3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Randomize
