so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
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