I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
