If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
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