so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
Randomize
