elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
