My Higher Power is John Stamos
I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
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