I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
go do what you do best...puke behind churches
Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
Randomize
