She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
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