Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
Randomize