a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Randomize
