i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
Randomize
