You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize
