I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
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