I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
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