I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
Did you pee in the oven last night??
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Randomize