Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
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