my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
