then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
