What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
even my farts smell like vagina
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
Randomize
