the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
Randomize
