i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
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