I only kidnapped one of them. chill
i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
Randomize
