I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
Randomize
