Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
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