this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
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