I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
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