we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
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