saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
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