the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
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