There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
I need a beard to bite.
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
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