dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
Randomize
