we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
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