i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
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