My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
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