My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
he came faster then a bring it on movie goes to dvd
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
Randomize
