I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
Randomize
