He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
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