if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
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