I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
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