I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
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