glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
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