So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
Randomize
