it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
Randomize