A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
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