Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
