He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
Randomize
