I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
I'm at about main and main street
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
whose parrot is this?
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
Randomize
