and my herpes radar will keep us safe
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
I think pants incapable of making pants work
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
Randomize
