Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
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