I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
It really wasent that hard. The male one had a M and the woman one had a W. I just couldent comprehend that at the time.
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
Two words: nipple clamps
Randomize
