i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
