My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
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