I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
Randomize
