She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
I feel great
I just peed on a car
my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
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