just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
Randomize
