I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
Drunk is not a location!
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
Randomize