make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
then he tried to convert me to islam
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
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