HIV tests are more positive than that guy
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
Randomize
