god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
Randomize
